Delirious
by Sora Ryuuzaki
Summary: Kanda and Allen are sent on a mission, but when something goes drastically wrong.... Yullen, T for a liiiiitle bit of yaoi action ;D Just a smidge.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Delirious

This one's set in a random mission, after all the Ark junk, and the Headquarters getting moved elsewhere, so... Yeah.

**Disclaimer: See the Earl on a drastic diet yet? Then I don't own D. Gray-man.**

-

-

-

Oh, damn.

Oh, damn it.

Oh, damn it all.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

No, no, no…!

As the figure in front of me collapsed to his knees and the weapon mercilessly pulled out from his chest, I could only tear up and watch in horror.

God _damn_.

"No," I whispered, collapsing to my own knees. "No, no, no!" I cried, my voice rising in alarm as I grabbed his shoulders. "Damn it, Kanda, get a grip! You can't die; not here!" I shook him, trying to keep him from slipping into unconsciousness.

My left eye whirred and buzzed as the many level 3 akuma and the two level 4 began to surround us, their Noah ringleader Tyki Mikk watching with a smug grin, but I didn't care. For all I cared, they might as well not even be there.

This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.

My right hand ran over the puncture wound left by the Noah's attack—the attack that I should have taken, not him. Not BaKanda.

The blood began to gush out now, coming out in a steady stream. Tyki Mikk snorted, just loud enough to reach my ears despite the cackling of the akuma, and dismissed his army. His work here was done.

"Come on, BaKanda," I whispered, placing my head in the nook of his neck, "get up and use that damn healing thing of yours. Get up and call me 'bean sprout' again. Don't die on me now."

I could feel the heartbeat fading. I felt his body stir, and I sat up immediately. His beautiful sapphire eyes glistened with the haze of one who was almost gone, and on that thought, tears began to spill.

His lips moved, his hand reaching up to brush away a tear. No sound came, but I knew what he said. "Stupid bean sprout. I'm not dying; I'm just taking… a…"

He didn't get to finish his sentence, for he slipped into unconsciousness. His hand fell from my face, going limp against his body. I tore off parts of my shirt to use as a bandage to help relieve the bleeding. Despite this, the blood still came out steadily, although it seemed to be slowing down a bit. I could hear his uneven breath, coming out in erratic gasps, signaling what could be death.

With a grunt of effort, I hoisted him onto my back. Timcampy, who pulled himself (itself?) out from my pocket, fluttered around us. I think he (it?) was trying to encourage Kanda to hang on, and to me to continue to do my best.

"Tim, go back to headquarters and get help," I murmured to him. The golem nodded and zipped ahead to race to the base.

I trudged along with Kanda on my back, determined not to leave him to die. We stopped at a creek, where I cleaned his wound. His pulse was fading quickly, and I began to panic. The black tattoo on his chest began to spread in fire-like shapes to coat his left arm in black welts. What was this thing?

But I noticed that, as it spread, Kanda's fading pulse became stronger, bit by bit. His breathing became more even, though still a little strained. It seemed as if he was healing. Maybe the puncture had missed his heart, and he was healing now. Maybe, just maybe, Kanda would live.

The mid-afternoon sun turned to dusk, and Tim still hadn't come back. Kanda's pulse was normal now, but it still frightened me to see him so vulnerable and weak. What if he didn't make it?

He began to have a fever. Little by little, his temperature rose, and again, I panicked. I tore off more parts of my abused shirt to plaster on some cool, wet strips of cloth on his forehead. I made a fire using driftwood I found along the creek, and caught fish using my Crown Clown. Sure, it could be considered abuse, but I didn't really care. Kanda was the first priority; the only priority.

As I sat next to him, listening to the fire crackle and watching his chest rise and fall in a steady beat, I found his hand and held it loosely at first. I was a bit scared; I was still hoping that he would snap up and fume at me for not leaving him behind. "Sacrifices are necessary in war," he would say.

On second thought, I would love that. At least he'd be alive. I didn't care how much abuse I would get, I just wanted him here and _alive_. Sure, he might hate me, but I didn't care. I love him.

I buried my face in my hands. "Damn it, why do I sound like a girl?" I muttered to myself. I glanced at him and smiled softly.

"Hurry up and wake up, BaKanda," I whispered with a smile.

-

When I woke up, it was morning. Kanda still hadn't woken up, nor had Tim found us. I walked over to change his bandages. When I removed them, though, I nearly hurled at the sight of the wound.

Dried blood crusted around the outside, and one could see the bones. Muscles and red veins pulsated steadily. The wound itself was swollen and was situated a little more towards his right than to the left, where his heart was. Even still, it would require immediate attention. I couldn't be sure if he had damaged any vitals.

He still had a fever, and I didn't know what I could do to help it. "Hang on, Kanda," I whispered to him. "Help will come soon, I promise." I turned to go hunt for food, activating my Innocence.

"Allen," Kanda cried.

I turned back immediately and flocked to his side. He moaned, delirious in his fever. Kanda's back arched, his face scrunched in pain. "Allen!" he cried. "Don't… don't leave…" he murmured, calming down a bit.

I was a mess. Should I go hunt for food? What was he thinking about? Would he be okay if I wasn't here?

I rubbed his hand. "Shh… I'm here, Kanda, I'm he—"

Wh… what was that? Was that his eyelids fluttering? Was he alive? Was he conscious? Slowly, cautiously, I lowered my face to hover over his, ignoring the quickening pulse in my chest. There it was again!

A broke out into a relieved smile, leaning back with a sigh. He was alive! Of course, I had known that, but he was getting stronger now. He still ran a heavy fever and had that disgusting wound, but he was going to live, if things kept going in this good direction. If Tim could hurry and come back, then Kanda would live through this catastrophe for sure! I breathed another sigh of relief and laid my head on his chest, a safe distance away from the throbbing wound.

"Thank God you're alive, stupid BaKanda…" I murmured, my eyes closed. I snapped them open again as a thought crossed my mind.

He wouldn't remember this, would he…? I thought as I scooted up to hover over his face again. No. Of course not, I countered myself, and pressed my lips onto his. He tasted faintly of soba, and I smiled. Of course he would. That BaKanda would only eat soba—morning, noon, and night.

When I pulled back at last, his eyelids fluttered again. They opened halfway, barely focused, and he whispered a few words before slipping back into unconsciousness. Those words made me blush, a deed done with much difficulty.

"I love you, Allen."

I moved away from Kanda, pulling my knees up to my chest. Did he really, or was that just a figment of my imagination? Or was he still extremely delirious and was talking about a different Allen? I shook my head to clear my thoughts and spared a glance towards the swordsman. His treasured Mugen was next to him now. When I had pulled Kanda over here, I had forgotten completely about Mugen until he had begun to toss and turn and reach for something that wasn't there last night.

Those four words echoed over and over again in my head. With each repeat, I could bring myself to believe those words more and more, but doubt as to why arose. Was teasing me his way of showing affection? After all, we spent most of our time together either arguing or calling each other names. I smiled. Or maybe… Maybe Kanda was like me—using the hostility to cover up unwanted feelings.

But for me, those feelings were wanted again.

I glanced up at the sky. It was a while past noon, almost an entire day since I had sent Tim to find help.

When I closed my eyes again, finally relaxing, my left eye buzzed and whirred. It broke out, alerting me of an akuma. Luckily, it was only level 2, but I didn't want to leave Kanda if I could help it.

I waited for it to come closer, but my eye went ballistic. It rolled around in its socket, urging me to hurry and destroy the akuma as soon as possible. I clutched it with my right hand, my left one breaking out to reveal the claw. The white cloak of Crown Clown donned itself on me. My body craved to destroy the akuma, but my mind wished to stay and keep watch over Kanda.

"Nghh…"

My left arm and eye were plotting a conspiracy against me; I swear! I finally gave in and sprinted the short distance to the level two akuma. I didn't want to spend too much time on this for fear of having something happen to Kanda in the period that I was gone, so I killed it in one swipe.

Once that one disappeared, more came; level 3's now. I remembered some of these souls. Oh, God, no, these were the akuma that accompanied that Noah…

I glanced behind me at Kanda. The akuma were closing in on him now, but I couldn't move—they barricaded the passageway to him.

"Out of my way!" I cried.

At last, a golden golem zipped by. Timcampy!

Lenalee followed it closely. "Allen!" she cried happily, a smile on her face. "So you were here!"

"Hey, Allen," Lavi called, saluting me from upon his hammer. "The cavalry has arrived. Where's Yuu?"

"Lenalee, can you get him? He's over there," I said in between slashes. The level 3's were ganging up on me now.

"Hi ban!" Lavi cried. The flame serpent engulfed some of the akuma, while others leapt out of its way just in time.

I was relieved when I saw Lenalee take Kanda and race away from the battle site. It's okay now. Kanda would live. Lenalee would take him to headquarters, where he could rest. It's okay, now.

The akuma that attempted to follow them were instantly met by Lavi and me. I smirked at them, finally taking their challenge head-on. "Let your soul find salvation, you pitiful akuma!" I cried.

-

Once home, I ran straight to the infirmary. Lenalee led the way, rushing ahead with her Dark Boots and racing back. When I burst through the door, the nurse instantly _shh_-ed me. I smiled awkwardly and waved an apology before walking over to Kanda's side. His wound was cleaned now, and it seemed to be healing. I didn't want to pull back the bandages and see for myself.

His face was eerily calm, although his eyebrows were still scrunched in a fierce scowl. I smiled. Was it frozen that way, or was he thinking of something bad? His hair, similar in length to Lenalee's before it was burnt away, was spread haphazardly across the sheets as if he had been tossing and turning.

"He kept asking for you in his sleep, Allen," the head nurse said softly. My smile grew larger and a bit bashful. "And now that it's said and done," she continued sternly as a murderous aura arose, "why aren't you sitting in the infirmary as well? Injured exorcists like you need to heal."

I waved my hands in front of me. "It's okay, head nurse, I'm fine, really! It's just a few cuts and scratches!"

"'Cuts and scratches' my butt," Lavi commented. Just where had he come from, and since when had he been here…?

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, irritated.

"It means that you took quite a big hit back there with those akuma."

"Did not!" I countered, my voice rising.

The head nurse's murderous aura reappeared. "If you are going to shout in here," she threatened, holding a surgery scalpel in one hand, "then get out. Now. I will not tolerate any sort of ruckus in _my_ hospital."

"Sorry" was the only thing we could say. And say it, we did.

I returned to Kanda's side after Lavi and Lenalee left. I brushed some stray strands of hair from his face, bemused as the crease in between his eyebrows lifted a bit. With a small smile, I took his hand in mine and rubbed it carefully, reveling in the fact that they were still warm and alive. I closed my eyes, smiling still, and lifted his hand to my cheek. It was so big and warm…

"… Hey, bean sprout," a familiar voice intervened groggily. "Just what the heck are you doing?"

Surprised, I stood up abruptly, knocking over the stool that had just been set out for me. It hit the floor with a clang and I hastily picked it up, glancing around nervously for the head nurse. She was nowhere in sight. I breathed a sigh of relief, setting it back down and sitting next to Kanda.

"Are you going to answer me or not?" he muttered angrily, sitting up.

I looked at him now. He was obviously pretty angry, but then again—when wasn't he? I smiled. "Just, ah, making sure you aren't dead yet, BaKanda." I spoke his nickname with particular distaste, trying to recover from the intimate cuddling I had been doing with his hand.

He glanced out towards the window. Was that… was that _disappointment_ reflected in those deep sapphire eyes? Amazed, I craned my neck to see it clearly, getting out of my chair and leaning across his legs, my arms planted between them as a means of support, lest I lose my balance.

Automatically, Kanda's eyes turned to glare at the offending limbs. A deep, this-is-golden-stuff smirk spread across my face.

"Hmm? What is that, BaKanda? Does it feel _awkward_, having my arms here? How about if I move them up…?" I asked, sliding my arms forward and onto his legs. I rubbed them through the sheets.

My heart pounded as I watched his expression. I tried to keep my own from looking too embarrassed, but I was amazed—shocked, even—to see that he tossed his head back and gave a sexy groan.

I knew I was pushing my luck, but I had to go on. This might be my only chance, after all, and I wanted to play on it.

"How about a bit further…?"

My hands were at his crotch now, and I could see that his were fisted tightly, grabbing the sheets as tightly as possible. I looked up at him, and he grabbed my head and crashed his lips against mine. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and I duly returned the favor, pleased with the results of teasing.

We continued like that for a few minutes until I found myself onto the hospital cot with him, my arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

"Now that that's over with," Kanda murmured softly, breaking the kiss, "do I still have to say it?"

I smirked, pressing my forehead against his. "Of course. I might still be insecure about your feelings."

"Fine, you stupid bean sprout," he said affectionately. "I love you."

"I love you too, BaKanda."

* * *

Hehe. :D I'm really proud of how the ending came out. It was 11:30 at night, and I was on a roll. My dad yelled at me, but I just kept goin'... xD But yes, I'm very proud of this yaoi-like ending.

Anyway, if you hate it, love it, or have something to say about it, review! I'd like a bit of constructive criticism to work on for next time ;D

Sora Pwns x3


	2. Songfic Extra D

**Born For This (addition to "Delirious")**

_Oh no I just keep on falling  
(Back to the same old…)_

Kanda scowled over toward Allen, who noticed the older teen's glare. The swordsman narrowed his eyes, while the white-haired teen glared back. A few curt words were exchanged. An insult at BaKanda, a taunt at the bean sprout.

When they turned away from each other at last, Kanda felt like breaking a wall. Why did he fall back to the same old habits? Insulting the kid he secretly had a crush after learning a bit about him on held no gain for the swordsman, so why did he do it?

_Where's hope when misery comes crawling?  
(Oh my way, Ay…)_

Allen sighed as he felt Kanda coming towards him. Misery always seemed to come towards him in the form of a long-haired swordsman. The older teen always seemed to pick on him. Allen tried telling himself it was just good-natured teasing, but he knew it wasn't the case. No matter how he tried to tell himself otherwise, Kanda felt something strong towards Allen.

"Probably hate," he spat quietly to himself as the brief bickering subsided. A sigh went through his breath. It was sad—Allen actually liked the swordsman a lot, admired him a lot, maybe even loved, but the fact that Kanda hated his guts was probably a bit much, in his opinion. It can't be helped though, Allen told himself. He doesn't know.

_With your faith you'll trigger a landslide  
(victory)  
_

_Kill off this common sense of mind_

Something Kanda found annoying was the bean sprout's tendency to care for others, but not for himself. He would go out of his way for a person he didn't even know—for example, that doll and the old man, the ghost of Martel—but he didn't give a crap about himself. Kanda despised that—if one was to shoulder all his problems, then that person would trigger a landslide of despair upon himself. Namely the bean sprout.

Couldn't that stupid bean just learn to let other people help him through his problems?

_It takes acquired minds to taste, to taste, to taste this wine_

_You can't down it with your eyes  
_

Another day, another mission. Today's was with Kanda. Allen had to remind himself to put on a scowl, pretending that he didn't want to go with Kanda, for the sake of keeping up the act. This wine, this life of an Exorcist was not one for the faint of heart—more so for Allen, who could see the tainted souls of the akuma. The life of an Exorcist was something that one had to become accustomed to over time—not something that could be absorbed so easily, so painlessly, so smoothly. It required time—something Allen still needed to overcome his sorrow for the poor souls trapped inside the horrid bodies of the killing machines.

_So we don't need the headlines  
_

_We don't need the headlines  
_

Kanda sighed, annoyed yet again that the situation of the Exorcists was unknown to the public—the non-akuma public, anyway. It was a pain to have the train passengers stare at him as the two Exorcists and the Finder climbed onto the train through the roof, as they always did, and while they were in their first class suite. He could practically feel the glaring, the envious eyes that they could just waltz in and get a first-class suite.

Also on his mind was the way that bean sprout seemed to be fidgeting anxiously, his right hand twitching on the edge of the mission briefing, as if he were expecting something to happen soon. Kanda watched him out of his peripheral vision.

_We just want…_

It was becoming difficult for Allen to restrain his body. He could feel the akuma coming closer, with every passing second, his left eye strained to discover the akuma in its vision; thus, his right hand twitched in anticipation of his eye's reaction. Each second dragged on, and his body craved the akuma.

His body wanted the akuma.

Allen shuddered, unconscious of the swordsman watching him.

_Everybody sing like it's the last song you will ever sing_

_Tell me, tell me, do you feel the pressure now?  
_

The level 3 akuma had surrounded the Innocence now, forming a tight circle. One of the level 4 cackled above the circle, shrieking in glee at the two new toys he had found. Kanda was feeling a bit pressured, what with the building they were currently inside in poor shape, and the level 4 calling for a Noah to come take the Innocence.

A beautiful song this would be, the song of death that he would sing for the weapons. Every song of death he danced to with his Mugen destroyed the machines, each step planned carefully and flawlessly executed.

_Everybody live like it's the last day you will ever see_

_Tell me, tell me, do you feel the pressure now?_

Allen, of course, was slightly pressured by his (dare he say it?) friend's quick, sure progress. He fulfilled a little bit of the immense promise he had made to himself—each akuma he destroyed was a soul that he saved from itself. This was the way he wanted to live his life, to help the dead finally find their peace. Each day was lived as if it was his last.

He turned around to swing his Crown Clown once more as the two level 4 akuma cackled louder than ever when, out of the corner of his eye, Allen saw Kanda—the impeccable Kanda, the infallible Kanda, the heartless Kanda, his unattainable Kanda—get driven through with a sharp, pipe-like weapon coming from Tyki Mikk.

_Right now you're the only reason  
(I'm not letting go, oh…)  
_

He had no idea why he did it. Actually, he had a good idea as to why, but as to how was a mystery to Kanda. He had seen the weapon coming toward that bean sprout, and his body flew to protect the bean on its own.

Occasionally, he slipped out of unconsciousness long enough to hear something, hear someone. Allen…? He would hear that bean in his dreams, too, begging him not to leave him alone, saying that he still had to stay with him… It was those dreams, that voice that kept Kanda from slipping away to unconsciousness for too long. It was that person that kept Kanda alive, that person that he cared about. Allen was the only reason, right now, why Kanda was not letting go of his life, the life that he would have sacrificed easily a year before.

_Time out if everyone's worth pleasing  
(Well ha-ha!)  
_

Allen had sent Timcampy out a long time ago, hoping to get Kanda some professional medical attention as soon as possible. Sure, everyone would want them back as soon as possible, but Allen, for once, didn't care whether they were happy or not. He was worried about Kanda, so they would have to wait. BaKanda was the first priority, the only priority.

_You'll trigger a landslide  
(Victory)_

_to kill off their finite state of mind  
_

The dreams that Kanda had of Allen while delirious haunted the swordsman. He could feel each one becoming a mound of dirt, coming higher as he dug deeper into untouched feelings. A bit of rain on his parade, the realization that he was unreachable, would trigger another landslide of months of heartless threats, cruel taunts.

Kanda faintly remembered calling Allen to stay, half-thinking he was still dreaming, but nonetheless glad when he felt the younger Exorcist's presence about him. He could feel the warmth again, the warmth that every touch gave him… It gave Kanda hope that the state of mind that Allen was unreachable could be destroyed.

_It takes acquired minds to taste, to taste, to taste this wine_

_You can't down it with your eyes  
_

Seated next to the older Exorcist, Allen buried his face in his knees. This wine was bitter, for it tasted of false hope and worry. What if Kanda was getting slightly better, only to die another day? Allen couldn't stand it. He hadn't tasted this wine enough to have an acquired taste to it, like Kanda did—no, Allen was still too scared to make those sacrifices, too caring to become as unfeeling as Kanda did. But he knew it was for the good of the war, for the overall good of the people.

Kanda was right, after all. It was a war, and although sacrifices needed to be made, it wasn't something that Allen wanted to do.

_So we don't need the headlines  
_

_No, we don't want your headlines_

The dreams Kanda had were blaring headlines in his delirious state. "Wake up, go back to him, before it's too late!" Each headline, each dream, each sentence that the bean sprout whispered to him became a blaring, giant, neon sign in Kanda's face that wouldn't disappear until he came back to Allen.

_We just want…  
_

His body was trembling, now. His body could sense an akuma coming, and, like it or not, it was going to be destroyed. Allen was torn between his physical desire, to cleanse the akuma, and his emotional desire, to stay with Kanda.

Why couldn't someone come now?

_Everybody sing like it's the last song you will ever sing  
_

_Tell me, tell me, do you feel the pressure now?_

A scream pierced Kanda's ears, making his eyebrows knot together for a brief moment. He knew that voice… was it the one that had been calling out to him in his dreams? He couldn't be too sure, but he knew the person who the voice belonged to was in deep trouble.

_Get up, go help him._ The voices in his dreams urged him now more than ever. But he couldn't. No matter how much he wanted to get up and help, he couldn't. Physical barriers stood in his way—his poor health, his unconscious state.

_Everybody live like it's the last day you will ever see  
_

_Tell me, tell me, do you feel the pressure now?_

As the akuma surrounded Allen, he knew that if someone didn't come now, it would be BaKanda's last day. The pressure was immense, weighing down his actions, limiting his choices. Sweat trickled down Allen's cheek as he fought.

_Timcampy… hurry!_

_Everybody sing like it's the last song you will ever sing  
_

_Tell me, tell me, do you feel the pressure?_

Kanda felt himself hoisted onto someone's back. Suddenly, the wind was blowing in his face, the wind tugging at his hair. With some effort, he peeled back his eyelids to see white hair… a red scar… a black claw… a white cape… a blue mask…

He knew he would see Allen back at the hospital.

_Alright, so you think you're ready?_

_Ok, then you say this with me  
Go!_

_We were born for this  
We were born for this_

They were in the hospital wing, and Allen had (by quite an accident, really) gotten that BaKanda excited. He found himself kissing the older teen quite passionately, letting loose the feelings that he had kept in for a while. He had been so ready for this.

His tongue slid so easily over Kanda's, it was as if they were born for this very moment. Someone—Allen couldn't remember who—threw the blanket over their heads to shield them from whoever decided to waltz in. Allen's blood-stained shirt (he hadn't gotten a chance to change yet) was forcefully ripped off, the hardened muscle underneath kissed gently, teasingly; the older Exorcist's long hair ticking his sides. Allen couldn't resist a small yelp.

_Alright, so you think you're ready?_

_OK, then you say this with me  
Go!  
_

_We were born for this  
We were born for this_

_We were born for this  
We were born for this_

_We were born for  
We were born for_

Kanda wasn't holding back anymore. Every ounce of passion he had felt for the younger teen was let loose now as he stripped off his own shirt. He kissed down the younger Exorcist's neck, nibbling gently at the tender skin. Two hands, one slightly rough, slipped into Kanda's pants, pulling them down inadvertently. The Exorcist returned the favor with haste, turning over the bean sprout at the same time.

The air got stuffy from under the blanket, but the two didn't care. They were too immersed in the feelings they had hidden for so long.

_Everybody sing like it's the last song you will ever sing  
_

_Tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure?_

Allen panted heavily, his hands fisted tightly on the bedsheets. How could that stupid BaKanda still have so much power while he was injured?! It just wasn't right, how the older Exorcist had forced him into submission, but those thoughts quickly faded as pleasure came over him.

_Everybody live like it's the last day you will ever see  
_

_Tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure now?_

Kanda was enjoying this. Each moan that the bean sprout let out (which was quite often) only made him more excited. He couldn't help but let a small smirk form on his lips, which he hurriedly pressed to the back of the younger teen's neck, tasting sweat. This was a fun time, an erotic time for the stoic Kanda.

_Everybody sing like it's the last song you will ever sing  
_

_Tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure?  
_

_Tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure?_

Allen felt strong arms weasel from under his arms to grab his shoulder, feeling the full weight of Kanda's body on them. He noted faintly that their clothes had disappeared from under the bed, and realized that he was dying for some fresh air. He tried to pull back the blanket, or at least make an opening, but Kanda's strong arms kept him from moving.

_We were born for this  
We were born for this  
_

Kanda knew that the bean sprout under him was probably suffocating from lack of fresh air, but he didn't have enough energy to pull out and pull back the blanket. Instead, he hugged Allen tighter and laid his head in the crook of his neck.

_We were born for this_

The two felt a rush of cool air, and when Allen glanced up (Kanda was too tired), he nearly knocked Kanda to the floor.

"Lenalee?! Lavi?!"

* * *

Lol. I heard this song playing on my MP3, and was like, "OMG. MUST... DO... SONGFIC.... ON... THIS ONE....!"

xD So yeah. I know I said it was oneshot, but hey. Things change. Deal with it ;D

Sora Pwns x3


End file.
